I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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