and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
