Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
