My friends, they love my intelligence
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
