I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
