I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my being single is dangerous.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
