Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
