Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
