Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
