Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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