I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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