and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I bet he comes in French.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just forgot I was standing up.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
