The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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