Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
