Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
