Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you didnt know i had herpes?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
