all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
