but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
