i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Life without a bra equals bliss.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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