She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
