YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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