Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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