I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
