I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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