i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
