Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
