We're facebook friends in real life
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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