glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
