hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
