Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
