addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
