She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he thought i was a dude.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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