11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
