I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
