I met the friendliest cop last night
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
