I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
