If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
