If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
