Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
