Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We left an ass print on the piano.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
