I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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