he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
