So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
