I'm sorry my penis didn't work
4 words: hood of his car
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
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MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
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I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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