I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
