My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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