White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
