if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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