He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
