So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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