Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
