Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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