forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
