dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
