you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
