this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
