Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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