ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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