Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
