is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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