He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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