Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom

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(248): View more from Michigan

first off, his name is dougie. strike one.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.

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(+33): View more from France

I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.

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