Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
