I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
