Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
